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FOR JONATHAN’S SAKE
Why Must We Forgive and Forget?
By
© Samuel Koranteng-Pipim, PhD
Director, Public Campus Ministries, Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists
Author, Patience in the Midst of Trials and Afflictions
It is said that the most forgiven people should be the most forgiving
people. And yet, this is easier said than done. Some of us are too hurt
to forgive those who have wounded us. Let me illustrate what I mean
with the following concrete examples that have come to my notice. I
have personalized each example so that you can ask yourself this
specific question: “Why and how can I forgive and forget this
particular person?”
Case Histories
--Your closest friend wants your position; she lies and spreads false
rumors about you, ruining your good reputation, and takes your
position or job. After you’ve endured 7 years of humiliation, loss, and
pain that resulted in a severe emotional breakdown and rehabilitation
at a mental institution, your friend comes back to you quietly, saying
she is sorry.
--Your employee steals thousands of your company’s money and runs away
from the law by fleeing to a foreign country. In the far-away country,
he squanders the thousands of dollars, and after three years he comes
back, saying he is sorry.
--Your brother has been killed by a hit-and-run driver, who happens to
be your neighbor. But the perpetrator is unrepentant, lies about it
and wants you to treat him as though he wasn’t responsible for the
death of your brother.
--Your family friend from another ethnic group has an affair with your
otherwise faithful wife. She becomes pregnant and wants you to take her
back, forgive the other man involved, and accept the child (with
obvious external characteristics of another race) as your very own.
--In a racial/tribal conflict, your fellow church member leads a mob of
gangsters (vigilantes) to kill your husband and children. They leave
you for dead after you had sustained severe wounds and fallen
unconscious. The assailants then proceed to loot the belongings of your
family. After being miraculously rescued and months of hospital care
you recover from your comatose condition. Then in a market place you
come face to face with the church member who led the murderers to your
home. Fearing mob-justice, your assailant pleads for forgiveness.
Why Must We Forgive and Forget?
How should we deal with the anger, pain, and hurt resulting from the
real situations mentioned above? How should we treat that person who
has seriously hurt us, and yet comes back claiming he is sorry? What
about the ones who still remain unrepentant? Are we really to forgive
them also?
For those whose wounds of hurt are still fresh, these questions are
not theoretical ones. Even when we say we have forgiven, we sometimes
don’t want to have anything to do with those who have hurt us.
So I ask again, why must we let go our hurt and bitterness for the joy
of reconciliation and peace? Why must we forgive and forget?
The Bible offers us several reasons why we should forgive those who
have wronged us. Because of space limitations, I would summarize these
at the end of this article. In this article, however, I would
concentrate on what I consider to be the most compelling reason why we
must forgive and forget—namely, for Christ sake. This motivation is remarkably captured in a story found in the ninth chapter of the second book of Samuel.
If you want to know why you have to forgive and show kindness to the
person who has terribly hurt you, look at why and how King David
treated Mephibosheth. Then you will get a glimpse into the heart of
God, and this will challenge you to forgive—even your worst enemy.
David and Mephibosheth
A Frantic Quest. 2 Samuel chapter begins with a frantic question
from King David: “Is there yet any that is left of the house of Saul,
that I may shew him kindness for Jonathan's sake?” (v. 1).
Apparently king David had been searching for someone from the household
of his worse enemy Saul. The king wants to show kindness to Saul’s
descendants “for Jonathan’s sake.” Though there seems to be no
meaningful response to his quest, David does not give up.
In verse 3 he repeats the question and explains the nature of kindness
he wants to bestow on such an one: “And the king said, Is there not yet
any of the house of Saul, that I may shew the kindness of God unto
him?”
What David did not know was that there was only one descendant of Saul
left. He was a cripple named Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan and the
grandson of king Saul. At the time of David’s inquiry, Mephibosheth
was a married man living in exile in a far-away town called Lo-debar.
The Bible offers only a brief account of how he became crippled.
The Fall, Escape and Exile. One day, when Mephibosheth was only
five years old, word got to the palace that in the war between the
Israelites and the Philistines at Jezreel, king Saul had been killed.
Prince Jonathan had also been killed. In fact, virtually all of Saul’s
children and grandchildren had been wiped out. Saul had a very large
family (cf. 1 Chron 8:33), enough to replenish a country; but it was
virtually wiped out literally overnight.
One can only imagine how the National Security Council in Saul’s day
handled this crisis. I suspect that they quickly convened an emergency
session in the Palace to decide what to do. Who would be asked to hold
the rein of affairs? What should they do, especially given the fact
that David and his band of soldiers were in the hills and could take
advantage of the tragedy and take over power?
With the sudden change of mood in the palace, Mephibosheth, no doubt,
felt that something was wrong. Perhaps in apprehension or fear, he
cries for his daddy and grandpa. Yet, no one was ready to disclose the
facts to this 5-year old boy—no one, except the royal nurse.
I can almost hear the nurse explaining to Mephibosheth: “Daddy and
grandpa cannot come home tonight because they went to fight so you
could become the next king of Israel. . . . But we have to leave the
palace immediately, if we are to avoid being killed by David and his
men.”
No doubt, Mephibosheth couldn’t understand why David would want to kill
him. Was not David his daddy’s best friend? The royal nurse explained:
“David hates you; he wants to kill you and take for himself the kingdom
that belongs to your father and grandfather. He hates you because your
grand father Saul hated him and sought to kill him on several
occasions. Now that your dad and grandpa are dead, David will seek a
revenge by killing you. . . . We have leave right away. . .”
We don’t really know what happened in the palace. All we know for sure
is what the Bible says in 2 Samuel 4:4: “And Jonathan, Saul's son, had
a son that was lame of his feet. He was five years old when the tidings
came of Saul and Jonathan out of Jezreel, and his nurse took him up,
and fled: and it came to pass, as she made haste to flee, that he fell,
and became lame. And his name was Mephibosheth.”
Apparently in the haste of the nurse to flee with Mephibosheth, he
fell, perhaps injuring the spinal chord of the young boy, and
paralyzing or crippling him for life. Utilizing maximum secrecy, and
using (perhaps) a fake passport and ID documents, Mephibosheth was sent
into exile in Lo-debar.
I can imagine the nurse charging him never to disclose his true
identity, but that one day at the appropriate time he would be brought
back into Israel to claim his rightful place on the throne. Until that
time, he was to flee for his life whenever he heard that David and his
men were looking for him.
Thus, from the age of five, Mephibosheth was brainwashed into believing
that David hated him and sought to do him harm. For the remainder of
his life, Mephibosheth lived in obscurity, blaming and hating David for
all the misfortunes of his life.
A Long Search. Meanwhile back in Israel, king David was on the
throne. Since his enthronement, he had one overriding concern. It was
not just consolidating his power, but to offer special honor to the
descendants of his arch enemy Saul.
David’s search for Mephibosheth took several years, a great while after
his accession to the throne. Observe that Mephibosheth was 5 years old
when Saul died. When Mephibosheth was finally found, he had a son (2
Sam 9:12). Now, if we assume that he was 30 years when he got married,
and had his son a year afterwards, it took at least some 25 years for
David to find Mephibosheth.
For 25 long years the king was thinking, inquiring, and searching for
this lost, crippled son! If David lived in our day, I can imagine him
using all the intelligence apparatus----such as the United State’s CIA,
FBI, the UK’s MI3 and Scotland Yard, the Israeli Mossad, the Interpol,
and others.---to look for Mephibosheth.
Face to Face Encounter. At long last, the Bible tells us,
David’s security agents identified Ziba, a former employee of king
Saul, who help to locate the whereabouts of Mephibosheth (cf. 2 Sam
9:3-5)
The Bible’s account of the meeting of Mephibosheth and David reveals
how hatred was swallowed by love, and fear by trust. It is worth
reading it in its entirety:
2Sa 9:6 Now when Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan, the
son of Saul, was come unto David, he fell on his face, and did
reverence. And David said, Mephibosheth. And he answered, Behold thy
servant!
2Sa 9:7 And David said unto him, Fear not: for I will surely shew thee
kindness for Jonathan thy father's sake, and will restore thee all the
land of Saul thy father; and thou shalt eat bread at my table
continually.
2Sa 9:8 And he bowed himself, and said, What is thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I am?
2Sa 9:9 Then the king called to Ziba, Saul's servant, and said unto
him, I have given unto thy master's son all that pertained to Saul and
to all his house.
2Sa 9:10 Thou therefore, and thy sons, and thy servants, shall till
the land for him, and thou shalt bring in the fruits, that thy master's
son may have food to eat: but Mephibosheth thy master's son shall eat
bread alway at my table. Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants.
2Sa 9:11 Then said Ziba unto the king, According to all that my lord
the king hath commanded his servant, so shall thy servant do. As for
Mephibosheth, said the king, he shall eat at my table, as one of the
king's sons.
2Sa 9:12 And Mephibosheth had a young son, whose name was Micha. And
all that dwelt in the house of Ziba were servants unto Mephibosheth.
2Sa 9:13 So Mephibosheth dwelt in Jerusalem: for he did eat continually at the king's table; and was lame on both his feet.
In case you missed it, “for Jonathan’s sake,” David takes his avowed
enemy, restores to him the estate of his grandfather Saul, allows him
to live with him in the palace, treating him like one of his own sons!
Though Mephibosheth was lame and unsightly, and does not seem to have
any great fitness for service, yet, for his good father’s sake, David
took him to be one of his family—even risking a future usurpation!
The Gospel of Salvation
This account of David’s treatment of Mephibosheth teaches many
important lessons. First, it is one of the greatest illustrations of
the gospel. It reveals something about the riches of God’s grace.
In this real story, David represents God the Father, sitting on His
throne and seeking to show kindness to us sinners. Though we hate Him,
misconstrue His intentions and plans towards us, deny Him, and fail Him
over and over again, yet He still loves us and is ever searching for us
to save us. “Behold, what manner of love the Father has given unto us,
that we should be called the sons of God” (1 John 3:1).
Mephibosheth represents us—lost humanity, crippled by sin. Like Saul’s
grandson, we also fell—not in a palace, but a garden called Eden (Gen
3). Because of the Fall, we cannot walk straight, think straight, talk
straight, nor do anything straight. We hate God, distrust Him, and
disbelieve His Word. Far away from the Father’s home, we live in the
obscurity and shadow of sin. The Bible says, “all have sinned, and come
short of the glory of God” (Rom 3:23).
Though created in the image of God and, hence, from the Royal family,
we are so degraded in sin that we feel like we are “dead dogs.”
Indeed, we deserve death, for “the wages of sin is death” (Rom 6:23a).
Notice, however, that this text does not end there. It continues: “but
the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Rom
6:23b).
Jonathan represents our Lord Jesus Christ. The only way we
Mephibosheths can be saved is through Him. The name Jonathan means
“gift of God.” It is not surprising that the greatest Gift God has
given humanity is His Son. “For God so loved the world that He gave His
only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but
have eternal life” (John 3:16; emphasis mine).
Thus, any time we read the phrase “for Jonathan’s sake” in the 2 Samuel
9 account, it really means “for Christ’s sake.” The only reason why God
shows kindness to us, pardoning us of our sins and making us His sons
and daughters is for Christ’s sake. “I write unto you, little
children, because your sins are forgiven you for his name’s sake” (1 John 2:12).
It is for Christ’s sake that we Mephibosheths are adopted as sons and
daughters of God (John 1:12). And it is also for Christ’s sake that we
have the assurance of eternal life, the promise of His indwelling
Spirit and the hope of living forever with God (1 John 5:13; cf. Rom
8:14-39).
Our Ethical Obligation to Others
The second lesson we learn from the account of David’s treatment of
Mephibosheth is our ethical obligation to others. For some 25 long
years, king David was frantically searching for a descendant of his
enemy that he might show kindness to him. Why was David so eager to
show kindness?
The answer is found in 1 Samuel 20:11-17. There we read that David
made a promise to Jonathan that one day he (David) would pay back the
kindness he himself had received from Jonathan. David could have
satisfied his conscience saying Jonathan was dead or that Mephibosheth
never requested for help. But No. The king inquired, and searched,
until he found Mephibosheth.
Though Mephibosesheth never requested help, though he hated David, and
thus didn’t deserve help, yet David showed kindness to him “for
Jonathan’s sake.” Mephibosheth received favor on account of the merit
of Jonathan. This is grace at work. Hence for 25 years the king was
thinking, inquiring, and searching for this lost, crippled son! .
We also owe a debt to someone, and it is our moral duty to look for
that person and do kindness to him. How long have you been searching
for that one person you owe a debt to?----a grade school teacher,
nurse, aunt, grandmother, pastor, friend, etc.
Is there a promise you have long neglected? Now is the time to make good on it. Better late than never.
The Motivation to Forgive
The third lesson we can learn from David’s treatment of Mephibosheth is
the motivation to forgive. Why would David show kindness to
Mephibosheth, making him one of the king’s sons and allowing him to eat
bread continually at the king’s table? Why would he adopt as his son
one who hated him and one who could potentially work to undermine and
usurp his government? Why did David forgive the grandchild of his
avowed enemy?
The answer is twice repeated in the 2 Samuel 9 passage: “For Jonathan’s sake” (v. 1); “For Jonathan thy father’s sake” (v. 7).
In the phrase “for Jonathan’s sake,” we find the most compelling
motivation to forgive others. As we mentioned earlier, this phrase
means “for Christ sake.” In other words if we are looking for a reason
to forgive and forget the ills we have suffered at the hands of others,
the answer lies in what Jesus, our divine Jonathan, has done for us.
Those who understand the price Christ paid on Calvary for their sins
will not stubbornly withhold forgiveness from those who have hurt them.
This is why the most forgiven person ought to be the most forgiving individual. Though it hurts to forgive, the Bible urges us—for Christ’s sake—to do the unthinkable.
Observe how often the expression “for Christ’s sake” appears in the New Testament:
1. We must forgive one another for Christ’s sake: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Eph 4:32)
2. We must pray for one another for Christ’s sake: “For the Lord Jesus Christ’s sake, and for the love of the Spirit, that ye strive together with me in your prayers to God for me” (Rom 15:30).
3. We must become fools in the eyes of others and be despised for Christ’s sake:“We are fools for Christ’s sake; but ye are wise in Christ; we are weak, but ye are strong; ye are honourable, but we are despised” (1 Cor 4:10).
4. We must preach the truth and be true servants of God for Christ’s sake:“For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus’ sake” (2 Cor 4:5).
5. We must patiently endure the trials of life for Christ’s sake: “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Cor12:10).
6. We must be willing to suffer for Christ’s sake:“For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake” (Phi 1:29).
7. We must suffer persecution for Christ’s (church’s) sake: “Who now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh for his body’s sake, which is the church” (Col 1:24).
8. We must be willing to die for Christ’s sake: “For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh” ( 2 Cor 4:11).
9. We must submit to good ordinances of those in power for Christ’s sake: “Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme” (1 Pet 2:13).
10. The Lord will richly bless and save us if we endure unto the end for Christ’s sake: “Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake” (Matthew 5:11; cf. Lk 6:22). “And ye shall be hated of all men for my name’s sake: but he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved” (Mark 13:13).
It is obvious from the above passages that the most compelling reason
to do the right thing, including forgiving those who have hurt us, is
“for Christ’s sake.” The more we understand the amazing grace of God’s
forgiveness, the more our motivation to forgive others. The basis and
motivation to forgive others is what Christ has done for us.
What It Means to Forgive & Forget
Forgiveness is a conscious decision of the mind and heart to freely
remit the offense of another, regardless of the cost. Unfortunately,
many of us have difficulty forgiving others because we confuse
forgiveness with what are not. For example:
1. Forgiveness is not excusing the wrong conduct of others.
Excusing says, “That’s okay,” and seems to suggest that what a person
did wasn’t really wrong or that he or she couldn’t help it. But
forgiveness is not excusing or justifying the wrong conduct of a
person. On the contrary, the very nature of forgiveness suggests that
what a person did was wrong and inexcusable. Covering up sin (which is
what excusing is) cannot bring about forgiveness. The Bible says, “He
that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and
forsaketh [them] shall have mercy” (Proverbs 28:13). True forgiveness
honestly acknowledges that what a person did to us is wrong, but
chooses, by the grace of God, to let go.
2. Forgiveness is not weakness. Sometimes, we think that when we
forgive others it is a sign of our weakness or cowardice. And who wants
to be perceived as an easy pushover or a door mat? The truth, however,
is that forgiveness is never borne out of weakness, but rather from a
position of strength and power. It takes a person who is strong in
patience and inner strength to forgive. When God chooses to forgive us,
it is not because He is powerless. Only those with resolute convictions
and sterling character can truly forgive. On the other hand, as long as
we choose not to forgive, we become the slaves of those who have hurt
us.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgetting is to lose the remembrance or
recollection of something. It is a passive process in which the passing
of time causes a thing to fade from memory. Forgiving, however, is not
the result of amnesia. Instead, it is an active process in which a
person makes a conscious choice not to mention, recount, or think about
the injury one has suffered from another.
When God says He will “remember your sins no more” (Isaiah 43:25), it does not mean He cannot remember our sins, but that He will not remember
them. It is a conscious choice on His part not to reckon those sins
against us nor take action on them. The good news, however, is that
when we make a conscious decision to forgive and to stop dwelling on
the offense of others, the Lord works a miracle in us so that the hurt
we have suffered lose their bite—to the extent that the painful
memories fade away.
Forgiveness is not a feeling—a fleeting emotional experience. It is conscious choice, an act of the will. Forgiveness is a decision not to think, or talk about, or be influenced by the ill-conduct of another.
There are two Greek words that are often translated as “forgive.” The first, aphiemi,
means to let go, release, or remit. It is a term used to describe the
full payment or cancellation of a debt (cf. Matt 6:12; 18:27, 32). The
other word is charizomai, which means to bestow favor freely or
unconditionally. This term suggests that forgiveness is an act of
grace. It is undeserved and cannot be earned (Luke 7:42-43; 2 Cor
2:7-10; Eph 4:32; Col 3:13). Both terms imply that the one doing the
forgiving suffers some loss or pain. This is what happened on Calvary
when our Lord Jesus Christ chose to suffer and die, in order to secure
our forgiveness (cf. Isaiah 53:4-6; 1 Pet 1:24-25).
Forgiveness is not a feel-good experience. The choice to let go really hurts. Still one chooses
to pay the price. Though forgiveness is not a feeling, and though the
decision to forgive hurts, the good news is that this conscious act of
the will to forgive also brings about changes in our feelings. We
experience a certain peace and joy for doing God’s will.
So Why Forgive and Forget?
Our willingness or unwillingness to forgive reveals much about us. Any
time we cherish an unforgiving attitude, stubbornly withholding
forgiveness from others, let us remember the following facts:
1. Our unforgiving spirit reveals how we want God to treat us.
When we get very hurt, we often say things like, “I will never forgive
him” or that “though I will forgive, I will never forget what he did to
me,” Others say, “I will always stay away or not talk to her again as
long as I live.” What would happen if God applied the Golden Rule and
treats us the same way we treat others? (The Golden Rule, by the way,
says in essence, “Do unto others what you want to be done unto you”;
see Matt 7:12; Luke 6:31).
How would you feel if, after confessing your sins to the Lord you hear
a voice from heaven saying, “I have forgiven you, but I just don’t want
to have anything to do with you again”? Or that, the Lord spoke to you
audibly: “I have forgiven you, but I will never forget what you did to
me.” I don’t think many of will feel secured in that kind of divine
forgiveness.
The Scriptures urges us to forgive others, just as God has forgiven us.
The Lord has freely forgiven us. We also must do likewise to others.
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you (Eph 4:32). "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye (Col 3:13).
2. Our unforgiving spirit reveals our un-appreciation of God’s forgiveness. A
forgiven Christian is always forgiving. If we don’t forgive others it
is an indication that we don’t value Christ’s forgiveness. This fact is
remarkably captured in Christ’s parable of the two debtors in Matthew
18:21-35. In that story, one servant owed a king a substantial debt.
When the king threatened to sell the servant and his family to pay the
debt, the servant pleaded for mercy. The king was “moved with
compassion,” had mercy on him and forgave him the debt (v. 27).
Moments later, the forgiven servant saw a fellow servant who owed him a
much smaller debt. When he asked for payment, the man asked for time to
do so. But the forgiven servant refused and “went and cast him into
prison, till he should pay the debt” (v. 30). When the king heard about
this, he summoned the forgiven (but now unforgiving) servant and said:
“O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou
desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy
fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?” (vv. 32-33) In his anger
the king delivered the unforgiving debtor to the jailors.
Jesus concludes the parable with these sobering words: “So likewise
shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts
forgive not every one his brother their trespasses” (Matt 18:35). You
see, forgiveness is at the heart of the gospel, and the new birth is
nothing other than divine forgiveness doing its life-changing work in
the life of the repentant sinner. Those who refuse to forgive put in
jeopardy their own forgiven status.
3. Our unforgiving spirit reveals whether or not we shall receive and/or retain our forgiveness.
In the teachings of Christ, we learn that unless we forgive, God will
not forgive us. In the Lord’s Prayer says, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive those who tresspass against us. . . .” (Matt 6:12). He continues: “For if ye forgive men their tresspasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your tresspasses” (Matt 6:14-15).
A forgiven person much love much and must show forth the power of Him
who has forgiven them. Christ says in Luke 7: 47 (to “sinner” who
anointed Him with a precious ointment), "Her sins which are many are
forgiven for she loved much. . . ." Simply put, the woman had enormous
love for Christ as a result of His forgiveness. It changed her life.
This is related to 1 John 4: 19, "We love Him because he first loved
us." This 'first love' is the death of Christ as the only basis of
God's ability to forgive us. When the sinner realizes this, his heart
is broken and he loves in return, to the extent of giving his life to
the one who forgave him. When we refuse to forgive as Christ forgave,
we deprive people of exposure to the power that can change them! This
is why we will not receive or retain our forgiveness.
4. Our unforgiving spirit tests our love and loyalty to God. The
story of Job teaches that our severe trials—including the hurts and
tragedies we have suffered---reveal whether or not we love God. When
Satan asked “Does Job fear God for nought,” he was in effect saying
that Christians cannot continue serving the Lord when they suffer major
hurts. Or as he put it, “Skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath will he give for his life. But put forth thine hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse thee to thy face” (Job 2:3-5).
In the great controversy between Christ and Satan, our response to
hurts is a vote for or against God. We either glorify God or betray and
mock Him by our attitude to adversities inflicted upon us by others.
Whether or not we forgive and forget reveals our true love or loyalty
to God.
You see, the fundamental issue at stake whenever we face any trials
(including hurts, losses, etc.) are these: Will we continue to trust
God, believing that He knows what is best for us, and that He has power
to sustain and deliver us? Will we do what He has asked us (in this
case forgive others) even in illness, financial crises, embarrassment,
pain, disappointment, ridicule, rejection, death, etc. (cf. Job
19:6-27)? Or will we do His will when things go our way?
Perhaps you have been hurt by someone near or dear—perhaps a relative,
co-worker, husband or wife. The one who has seriously wounded you
could even be in the church. You may have been hurt, betrayed,
defrauded, humiliated, violated, or wounded by a church member, elder,
Sabbath school teacher or pastor. And you cannot bring yourself to
forgive. Perhaps you are still hurt and angry.
It could be that, even right now, as you read this page, your marriage
is falling apart. Perhaps you are considering an unbiblical divorce
(cf. Matthew 19:9) because of the hurt and pain you have suffered in
your marriage. If so, I’d urge you to reconsider your decision and
prayerfully explore the path of forgiveness and reconciliation.
Regardless of the cause of your hurt, remember that your hurt is part
of the great controversy between Christ and Satan. And in the light of
that cosmic conflict, the Lord urges you to make a conscious decision
to forgive the perpetrator of that crime. For as long as you still
carry the bitterness and resentment, you will never be free. You will
forever remain a slave of the person who has hurt you.
While may not always understand why people choose to hurt us, the Lord
can bring something good out of our painful experiences—if we make a
decision to forgive. The story of Joseph illustrates this point. After
experiencing all sorts of injustice---jealousy, malice, and hatred from
his brothers, harassment, blackmail, and false accusation from Mrs.
Portiphar, the injustice of imprisonment in an Egyptian jail, and being
forgotten by one of the prisoners—the Bible records that Joseph later
understood that even in his terrible ordeal, God’s divine hands were
still directing affairs for his good and the good of humanity.
His forgiving spirit in evident in the following enduring words he
spoke to his brothers: "Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with
yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life. . . . But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive (Gen 45:5; 50:20).
Writes Ellen G. White: “He who is imbued with the Spirit of Christ
abides in Christ. Whatever comes to him comes from the Saviour, who
surrounds him with His presence. Nothing can touch him except by the
Lord's permission. All our sufferings and sorrows, all our temptations
and trials, all our sadness and griefs, all our persecutions and
privations, in short, all things work together for our good. All
experiences and circumstances are God's workmen whereby good is brought
to us. (Ministry of Healing, 489).
Conclusion
If you are struggling with unforgiveness, remind yourself of how God
has forgiven you and respond in kind. “Psa 103:8 The LORD is merciful
and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. He will not always
chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever. He hath not dealt with
us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as
the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them
that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he
removed our transgressions from us” (Ps 103:8-12).
Forgiveness is possible when you understand and have experienced God’s
own forgiveness. Refusal to forgive as Christ has forgiven us is an
indication that we have not truly experienced the life-changing work of
God’s forgiveness.
If you are still wondering why you must forgive and forget. The story
of David and Mephibosheth teaches us that the most compelling reason to
forgive, is not because that individual deserves it or because the
person has asked for it, but for Jonathan’s sake.
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